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the black and the white
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| (Sunday, 12 November 2006) Written by Lizz |
| It’s not that I regret the things I’ve not done, but that I regret some of those that I have. I don’t regret leaving you; I don’t regret not trying harder with her. I did the right thing, I know this. It’s the lack of closure I regret. It’s almost like grieving the loss of a loved one, only you’re both walking, talking, living things. It’s a whole new ball game. It sounds so high and mighty but I’ve never been in this position before. I’m not used to losing people who still draw breath, only those who remain forever still. I don’t enjoy omitting things from our conversations but you gave me no choice. It’s the last thing that I have allowed you to do to me. You no longer control me; I can see in your face that you know this. You fill his head with your lies, and he thinks he can change me. I see it makes you happy when you see his pain when he finds he can’t. It’s not that you’re a horrible person; you just don’t know what you’re missing. You don’t know what you need; you say ‘show me’ but then you close your eyes. You don’t know how to ask for what you really want so you twist everyone around you until you get it. You seem oblivious to the pain you cause. I don’t know if you will ever change. I can only hope. And you! You ask the questions, but hurl abuse when you get an answer you don’t like. I played the game, that was my fault; but I told you I wouldn’t play anymore. I no longer do what I think is wanted of me. I’m back to doing things for me, the way it should be, making ME happy. You gave me an ultimatum because I wouldn’t give you information you asked for. I have no reason to give it, it’s not right or safe for me to do so. You didn’t like the explanation. You said tell your or loose you. You can’t blame this one on me. You did it to yourself. One day you will see, by then it will still be too late. |
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